Novena for Marriage: Prayers for a Future Spouse and a Struggling Marriage

1. What Is a Novena for Marriage?

A novena for marriage is a nine-day prayer for one of three intentions: to find a spouse, to heal a marriage in trouble, or to strengthen a marriage that is doing well. The method is the same as any novena (see our guide on how to pray a novena): one intention, a set prayer, nine days in a row, with an Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be each day.

Marriage deserves this kind of prayer because the Church teaches it is a sacrament, a covenant in which Christ Himself is present. The Catechism describes the matrimonial covenant as one "by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life" (CCC 1601). A partnership of the whole of life is too big to carry without grace. For the full Catholic teaching on the sacrament, including annulments, read our guide to marriage.

Choose your novena:

• Waiting for a husband or wife: the St. Raphael novena for a future spouse.
• A marriage in trouble: the novena to St. Rita and the Holy Family for a struggling marriage. If you are in danger, read safety first before anything else.
• A good marriage you want to protect: pray the struggling-marriage novena's daily prayers as a check-up, and use the section on praying together.

2. St. Raphael and the Story of Tobias and Sarah

St. Raphael is the patron of people looking for a spouse because, in the Book of Tobit, God sent him to lead young Tobias to his future wife, Sarah, and to heal her. Raphael's name means "God heals," and he describes himself as "one of the seven holy angels who present the prayers of the saints" (Tobit 12:15). His feast is 29 September, shared with St. Michael and St. Gabriel.

The story is worth knowing. Sarah, a young woman in Ecbatana, had been given in marriage seven times, and each husband died on the wedding night, killed by the demon Asmodeus (Tobit 3:8). Mocked and grieving, she prayed to God in despair. Far away in Nineveh, the blind and faithful Tobit prayed too. "The prayer of both was heard," and Raphael was sent to heal them both (Tobit 3:16-17). Disguised as a travelling companion, Raphael guided Tobit's son Tobias on a journey, taught him how to drive away the demon, and led him to Sarah, telling him, "she was destined for you from eternity" (Tobit 6:17). On their wedding night, Tobias and Sarah prayed together before anything else, and they lived. The prayer they prayed is still read at Catholic weddings.

The Book of Tobit is part of the Catholic and Orthodox Old Testament; most Protestant Bibles place it in the Apocrypha or omit it. Our guide to the deuterocanonical books explains why. For more on the archangel himself, see our profile of St. Raphael.

3. Prayers for a Future Spouse

The two prayers below are prayed every day of the St. Raphael novena. The first is Scripture, the prayer of Tobias and Sarah on their wedding night. The second is a traditional devotional prayer to St. Raphael as the Angel of Happy Meetings, widely prayed by Catholics looking for a spouse; its author is uncertain.

4. The St. Raphael Novena for a Future Spouse: Nine Days

Each day follows the story of Tobias and Sarah. Pray the day's prayer (original, written for this page), then the Prayer of Tobias and Sarah, the Prayer to St. Raphael, and an Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be. Many people pray this novena from 20 to 28 September, ending on the eve of the feast of the archangels, but any nine days will do.

When the nine days end, keep praying the Prayer to St. Raphael each week, and pray the novena again whenever the longing returns. Thank God for every good friendship and introduction along the way.

5. Single and Waiting: What to Do Besides Pray

While you pray for a spouse, become the person a good spouse would want to marry, and put yourself where good spouses are found. Prayer opens the door. You still have to walk through it.

1. Discern your vocation honestly. Ask God whether He is calling you to marriage, to priesthood or religious life, or to a single life given to Him. Talk to a priest.
2. Grow in faith now. Go to Mass, go to confession, pray daily. A good Catholic spouse will be looking for that in you.
3. Get out of the house. Young adult groups, parish ministries, Catholic conferences, volunteering, friends' gatherings. Raphael led Tobias on a journey, and he did not find Sarah at home.
4. Use dating apps wisely, if at all. Our guide to Christian dating apps covers which ones and how.
5. Keep chastity. Purity before marriage protects your heart and your future marriage. Our guides to sex before marriage and living together before marriage explain the Church's teaching and why it is good news.
6. Heal what needs healing. Old relationships, family wounds or an addiction will follow you into a marriage. Deal with them now, with confession and, where needed, counselling.
7. Be open. The person God has in mind may not match your list. Tobias did not expect a bride on a business trip.

If pornography or lust is the thing you most need to deal with before marriage, start now. Pro includes the Freedom Programme: a 90-day plan with daily check-in emails, an examen tracker and weekly confession nudges, alongside audio-guided prayer and counselling. Get Pro. $49 once, 30-day money-back guarantee.

6. Praying for a Struggling Marriage: St. Rita and the Holy Family

Catholics praying for a marriage in crisis turn to St. Rita of Cascia and the Holy Family of Nazareth. St. Rita (about 1381 to 1457) was married young to a harsh and violent man, endured years of a hard marriage, prayed him toward conversion, and then lost him to a murder in a family feud; she forgave his killers and later became an Augustinian nun. She is the patron of difficult marriages and impossible causes. Read her full story in our profile of St. Rita. Her example is endurance in prayer. It is never a reason to stay in danger, and the Church asks no one to do that (see safety first).

The Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph is the model of every Christian home, and it was a home under pressure: an unexpected pregnancy, poverty, a birth among animals, a flight from a murderous king, life as refugees, and three days searching for a lost child. Holy does not mean easy. Pope Francis closed his 2016 exhortation on love in the family, Amoris Laetitia, with a prayer to the Holy Family, given below. It is the daily traditional prayer of this novena.

7. The Novena for a Struggling Marriage: Nine Days

Pray the day's prayer (original, written for this page), then the Prayer to the Holy Family, the Prayer to St. Rita, and an Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be. Pray it alone if you must. Pray it with your spouse if you can, even if all you can manage together is the Our Father.

Prayer alone rarely saves a marriage in deep trouble, and God usually works through people. Pair this novena with the practical help in the next sections. And if the problem is an affair, read our guide to adultery and emotional affairs.

8. Safety First: If Your Marriage Is Abusive

If your spouse is hurting you or your children, your first duty is to get safe, and the Church supports you in doing it. The Catechism teaches that separation of spouses "can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law" (CCC 2383), and canon law recognises grave mental or physical danger to a spouse or the children as a legitimate cause for leaving (Code of Canon Law, canon 1153). St. Rita endured her marriage in a different century, and nobody holds her up as a reason to stay in danger. Pray from a safe place.

Our guide to divorce and the Catholic Church explains what the Church teaches about abuse, separation and civil divorce, and our guide to anger may help a spouse whose temper is doing the damage.

9. Retrouvaille, Counselling and Other Real Help

The best-known Catholic help for a marriage in serious trouble is Retrouvaille, and the best general help is a good counsellor. Use both if you can.

• Retrouvaille (French for "rediscovery") is a program for couples in hurting marriages that began in Quebec, Canada, in 1977, first as a weekend for French-speaking couples. It is Catholic in origin and open to couples of any faith or none. It runs as a weekend followed by a series of follow-up sessions, led by couples who have been through their own crises, with a priest or counsellor. Search for Retrouvaille with the name of your country or diocese to find the next weekend near you.
• A Catholic marriage counsellor or therapist. A counsellor who shares your faith will work with your vows. Directories such as CatholicTherapists.com list them; your diocese's family life office can also recommend people.
• Your parish priest. Talk to him. Priests hear about struggling marriages every week, and he can point you to local help.
• Confession. Go yourself, even if your spouse will not. A marriage changes when one spouse changes.
• Addiction help. If drink, drugs, gambling or pornography is driving the crisis, it has to be treated directly. Our guides to overcoming pornography, gambling and drinking each include a free quiz.

Counselling is part of Pro. Alongside audio-guided prayer sessions, audio devotionals, Bible studies and a circle of believers, Pro includes real sessions with a qualified therapist, plus the Freedom Programme tracks for pornography, gambling, alcohol and drugs. Get Pro for $49, once, with a 30-day money-back guarantee.

10. How to Pray Together as a Couple

The simplest way for a couple to pray together is to pray one short prayer, out loud, at the same time every day. Most couples never pray together because they think it has to be long or eloquent. It does not.

1. Start with one Our Father at night, holding hands. That is enough for the first week.
2. Add one sentence each: "Thank You for..." and "Please help us with..."
3. Pray for each other by name, aloud. It is hard to stay angry at someone you have just prayed for.
4. Go to Mass together on Sunday, and sit together.
5. Pray this novena together once a year, perhaps around your anniversary.

Our guide to marriage has a fuller section on how married couples start praying together.

11. When Your Spouse Has Left or Wants a Divorce

If your spouse has left or wants a divorce, you can still pray for your marriage, and you can still pray for yourself. God has not left you. Many spouses have prayed for years for a husband or wife who walked out, and some of those marriages were restored. Others were not, and those who prayed found God faithful in the loss.

Keep praying this novena, adapting it for yourself. Get support from your parish and from friends. Look after your children's stability. Do not make huge decisions in the first weeks. And learn what the Church actually teaches: a civil divorce does not by itself bar you from Communion, and the Church's tribunals examine whether a valid marriage existed through the annulment process. Our guide to divorce and the Catholic Church covers Communion, dating after divorce, protecting children and forgiving an ex-spouse, and our guide to marriage explains annulments step by step.

Grief after a marriage ends is real grief. Our guide to grief and our guide to loneliness may help in the months ahead.

12. How Protestants and the Orthodox Pray for Marriage

All Christians pray for marriage; they differ on whether to ask the saints and angels to join them. Most Protestants pray directly to God for a spouse or for a struggling marriage, often using Scripture such as 1 Corinthians 13 or Ephesians 5, and many evangelical churches run strong marriage courses. Because most Protestant Bibles do not include Tobit, St. Raphael's role is largely unknown in Protestant devotion. Protestants generally permit divorce and remarriage in cases of adultery or abandonment, a point on which they differ from Catholic teaching.

The Orthodox, like Catholics, ask the saints and angels to pray for them, Tobit is in their Bible, and their wedding service, the Crowning, places crowns on the bride and groom as a sign of their shared calling and the self-sacrifice marriage demands. For the full comparison, see our guides to Catholic and Protestant belief and the Eastern Orthodox Church.

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