Catholic Wedding Ceremony: Vows, Readings, Order and Traditions

1. What Is a Catholic Wedding Ceremony?

A Catholic wedding ceremony is the public celebration of the sacrament of Matrimony, in which a baptised man and woman give themselves to each other for life before God and the Church. The Catechism teaches that in the Latin Church "the spouses as ministers of Christ's grace mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church" (CCC 1623). The priest or deacon receives that consent in the name of the Church and blesses the couple. The bride and groom are the ones who marry each other.

Hear that and let it sober you. On your wedding day you will be ministers of a sacrament. The words you say at the altar are a covenant sworn before the living God, the same God who said of the first couple, "the two of them become one body" (Genesis 2:24), and whose Son said, "what God has joined together, no human being must separate" (Matthew 19:6).

Three things make a Catholic wedding valid, and you cannot skip any of them:

• Freedom to marry. Neither of you is bound by a prior marriage or another impediment.
• Free and full consent. You intend a lifelong, faithful union open to children (CCC 1626-1628).
• Canonical form. A Catholic marries before the local bishop, pastor or a priest or deacon they delegate, and two witnesses (canon 1108), normally in the parish church (canon 1118), unless the bishop grants a dispensation.

For the theology of marriage, annulments and what happens after the wedding, read our full guide to Catholic marriage and the sacrament of Matrimony.

2. What Is the Order of a Catholic Wedding Mass?

A Catholic wedding within Mass follows the ordinary shape of the Mass with the marriage rite placed after the homily, and the couple receive a special Nuptial Blessing after the Lord's Prayer. The Church teaches that it is fitting for two Catholics to marry within Mass, because the Eucharist is the memorial of the covenant of Christ with his Church (CCC 1621). This is the order from the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (2016 US edition), chapter one.

The Introductory Rites

1. Reception and procession. The priest may greet the bridal party at the church door and lead the procession in, or he may wait at the altar while the procession comes to him. Both forms are in the ritual book.
2. Sign of the Cross and greeting. The priest addresses the couple and congregation in words that invite everyone to support the couple with prayer.
3. The Gloria. The Penitential Act is omitted and the Gloria is sung or said.
4. The Collect (opening prayer) for the celebration of Marriage.

The Liturgy of the Word

5. First Reading, normally from the Old Testament (during Easter Time, from the Book of Revelation).
6. Responsorial Psalm.
7. Second Reading from the New Testament.
8. Gospel Acclamation and Gospel.
9. Homily on the mystery of Christian marriage, the dignity of married love, the grace of the sacrament and the duties of married people.

The Celebration of Matrimony

10. Address. All stand. The priest speaks to the couple and asks them to state their intentions.
11. The Questions before the Consent. Three questions on freedom, faithfulness and children (full text below).
12. The Consent. The couple join right hands and say their vows.
13. The Reception of the Consent. The priest confirms what has happened, ending with "What God joins together, let no one put asunder." The people may answer "Thanks be to God" or sing an acclamation.
14. Blessing and Giving of Rings.
15. Blessing and Giving of the Arras (optional in the US edition).
16. A hymn or canticle of praise may be sung.
17. The Universal Prayer (prayers of the faithful). The Creed follows if the day requires it.

The Liturgy of the Eucharist

18. Preparation of the Gifts. The bride and groom may bring the bread and wine to the altar.
19. Eucharistic Prayer, with a commemoration of the newly married couple.
20. Blessing and placing of the lazo or veil (optional, before the Nuptial Blessing).
21. The Lord's Prayer, then the Nuptial Blessing, which replaces the usual prayer that follows the Our Father and is never omitted.
22. Sign of Peace and Communion. The couple, parents, witnesses and relatives may receive Communion under both kinds.

The Conclusion

23. Solemn Blessing over the couple and all present.
24. Signing of the marriage record by the couple, witnesses and priest, in the sacristy or before the people, never on the altar.
25. Recessional.

One practical note: on the highest days of the year (for example, a Sunday of Advent, Lent or Easter, or a solemnity), the Mass of the day is used instead of the wedding Mass, though the Nuptial Blessing is kept. Weddings cannot be celebrated during the Paschal Triduum.

3. What Is the Order of a Catholic Wedding Without Mass?

A Catholic wedding without Mass keeps the Liturgy of the Word, the vows and the Nuptial Blessing, and leaves out the Liturgy of the Eucharist. It is a full sacramental wedding, equally valid, and usually shorter. A priest or a deacon may preside.

1. Introductory Rites: reception and procession, greeting, opening prayer.
2. Liturgy of the Word: readings, psalm, Gospel and homily.
3. Celebration of Matrimony: address, questions, consent, reception of consent, rings (and arras if used).
4. Universal Prayer.
5. Nuptial Blessing (with the lazo or veil before it if used).
6. The Lord's Prayer. Where the ritual book allows it, Holy Communion may be distributed at this point.
7. Final Blessing and recessional.

When is it used? The Church's guidance is that when a Catholic marries a baptised non-Catholic Christian, the rite without Mass is normally the better choice, because the non-Catholic spouse cannot receive Communion on their own wedding day. A Nuptial Mass is possible in that case only if the situation warrants it and the bishop permits. When a Catholic marries a catechumen or an unbaptised person, the ritual book provides a separate form (chapter three of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony), and Mass is not celebrated.

Two Catholics may also choose the rite without Mass for good reasons, such as a family where most guests are far from the faith. If you are both practising Catholics, press for the Mass, so that the first thing you do as husband and wife is receive Christ together.

4. What Are the Catholic Wedding Vows, Word for Word?

The Catholic wedding vows are fixed texts from the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, and in the United States couples choose between two approved forms, said as statements or answered as questions. The texts below are quoted from the English translation of the second typical edition approved for the dioceses of the United States in 2016. Other English-speaking countries use their own approved translations, which differ slightly, so check with your parish.

The Questions before the Consent

The priest asks the couple three questions, and each answers separately:

The Consent: first form

The couple join right hands. The groom says:

The bride says the same words, with "husband" in place of "wife."

The Consent: alternative form

The bride says the same with "husband." This is the older English form most people know from films.

The question form

If it seems better for pastoral reasons, for example if a bride or groom is too nervous to speak, the priest may ask the vows as a question: "N., do you take N. to be your wife? Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and to honor her all the days of your life?" The answer is "I do." The alternative form can be asked the same way.

The Reception of the Consent

The priest then says: "May the Lord in his kindness strengthen the consent you have declared before the Church, and graciously bring to fulfillment his blessing within you. What God joins together, let no one put asunder."

The rings

After the priest blesses the rings, each spouse places a ring on the other's finger, saying: "N., receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

Can you write your own vows?

No. Catholic couples do not write their own vows for the ceremony. The consent is the heart of the sacrament, and the Church guards its wording so that every couple promises the same complete covenant: faithfulness, permanence and openness to life. Your personal words have a home. Write each other a letter to read on the morning of the wedding, or speak at the rehearsal dinner or the reception. Then stand at the altar and say the words the Church gives you, which say more than anything you could invent.

5. Which Readings Can You Choose for a Catholic Wedding?

Catholic wedding readings come from the Lectionary for Mass, numbers 801 to 805, and at least one reading must speak explicitly of marriage. Most couples choose a first reading, a psalm, a second reading, an Alleluia verse and a Gospel. During Easter Time, the first reading is taken from the Book of Revelation. Here is every option in the US Lectionary, by reference.

801: First Reading (Old Testament)

1. Genesis 1:26-28, 31a (male and female he created them)
2. Genesis 2:18-24 (the two become one body)
3. Genesis 24:48-51, 58-67 (Isaac and Rebekah)
4. Tobit 7:6-14 (the blessing of Tobiah and Sarah's marriage)
5. Tobit 8:4b-8 (Tobiah and Sarah pray on their wedding night)
6. Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31 (the worthy wife)
7. Song of Songs 2:8-10, 14, 16a; 8:6-7a (stern as death is love)
8. Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16 (the blessing of a good wife)
9. Jeremiah 31:31-32a, 33-34a (the new covenant)

802: Second Reading (New Testament)

1. Romans 8:31b-35, 37-39 (nothing can separate us from the love of Christ)
2. Romans 12:1-2, 9-18 or 12:1-2, 9-13 (offer your bodies as a living sacrifice)
3. Romans 15:1b-3a, 5-7, 13 (welcome one another)
4. 1 Corinthians 6:13c-15a, 17-20 (your body is a temple of the Spirit)
5. 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a (love is patient, love is kind)
6. Ephesians 4:1-6 (one body and one Spirit; added in the 2017 US supplement)
7. Ephesians 5:2a, 21-33 or 5:2a, 25-32 (a great mystery, Christ and the Church)
8. Philippians 4:4-9 (the God of peace will be with you)
9. Colossians 3:12-17 (over all these put on love)
10. Hebrews 13:1-4a, 5-6b (let marriage be held in honor)
11. 1 Peter 3:1-9 (be of one mind)
12. 1 John 3:18-24 (love in deed and in truth)
13. 1 John 4:7-12 (God is love)
14. Revelation 19:1, 5-9a (the wedding feast of the Lamb)

803: Responsorial Psalm

1. Psalm 33 (the earth is full of the goodness of the Lord)
2. Psalm 34 (taste and see the goodness of the Lord)
3. Psalm 103 (the Lord is kind and merciful)
4. Psalm 112 (blessed the man who delights in the Lord's commands)
5. Psalm 128 (blessed are those who fear the Lord)
6. Psalm 145 (the Lord is compassionate toward all his works)
7. Psalm 148 (let all praise the name of the Lord)

804: Alleluia Verse

1 John 4:7b; 1 John 4:8b and 11; 1 John 4:12; 1 John 4:16.

805: Gospel

1. Matthew 5:1-12a (the Beatitudes)
2. Matthew 5:13-16 (you are the light of the world)
3. Matthew 7:21, 24-29 or 7:21, 24-25 (the house built on rock)
4. Matthew 19:3-6 (what God has united, man must not separate)
5. Matthew 22:35-40 (the greatest commandment)
6. Mark 10:6-9 (no longer two, but one flesh)
7. John 2:1-11 (the wedding at Cana)
8. John 15:9-12 (remain in my love)
9. John 15:12-16 (love one another)
10. John 17:20-26 or 17:20-23 (that they may be one)

How to choose, in one evening

1. Read all the Gospels aloud together first. Pick the one that names what you want your marriage to be.
2. Choose a first reading that echoes it. Genesis 2 pairs with Mark 10 or Matthew 19. Tobit 8 pairs with John 15.
3. Pick a psalm your parish musicians already know. Psalm 128 and Psalm 34 are common settings.
4. Choose the second reading last. 1 Corinthians 13 is the most requested. Ephesians 5 is the most misunderstood; read verse 21 ("be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ") and verse 25 ("husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church") before you decide.

Secular poems, song lyrics and personal readings do not replace Scripture in the Liturgy of the Word. Use them at the reception.

6. What Are the Rules for Catholic Wedding Music?

Music at a Catholic wedding must be sacred music suited to the liturgy, and secular songs belong at the reception. The US bishops' document on liturgical music, Sing to the Lord (2007), asks that wedding music express the faith of the Church and serve the rite. In practice, your parish music director has the final word, and many parishes publish an approved list.

Here is how the rules usually work:

• Processionals and recessionals may be instrumental. Classical pieces such as Pachelbel's Canon in D, Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" and Clarke's Trumpet Voluntary are common and widely allowed.
• Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" and Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" come from secular stage works. Many parishes do not allow them, so ask before you fall in love with them.
• The sung parts of the Mass (Gloria, psalm, Alleluia, Holy Holy, Lamb of God) should be sung whenever possible, and the psalm should be the psalm you chose.
• Hymns that fit a wedding include "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee," "Love Divine, All Loves Excelling," "Ubi Caritas," "Where Charity and Love Prevail," "Make Me a Channel of Your Peace" and "Now Thank We All Our God."
• Marian music such as "Ave Maria" (Schubert, or Bach and Gounod) is the usual choice for the Marian flower offering.
• Pop songs and film themes are not used during the liturgy. Play them at the reception, as loud as you like.

7. Is the Unity Candle Part of a Catholic Wedding?

No. The unity candle is a modern custom and appears nowhere in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony. Many parishes and some dioceses do not allow it inside the liturgy, and others permit it at the end or suggest moving it to the reception.

The reason is simple. The rite already has its sign of unity: the exchange of consent, sealed by the rings and, within Mass, by receiving the one Body of Christ together. A candle lit after the vows can look like the moment the couple became one, when that happened the instant they said their vows. If you love the symbol, light it at the reception, or place a candle before an image of Mary or the Sacred Heart after the wedding and pray there together. If your parish permits it in the ceremony, follow the parish. Do not fight your priest over a candle.

8. What Is the Marian Flower Offering?

The Marian flower offering is a devotional custom in which the bride, often with the groom, places flowers before an image or statue of the Virgin Mary and prays for her intercession over the marriage. It is a beautiful custom and a popular one, though it is not part of the official rite, so the parish decides whether and when it happens.

• When: commonly after Communion while the people pray in silence, or after the final blessing before the recessional. Some parishes prefer it before Mass begins.
• What: a small bouquet (some brides use a second, simple bouquet so they keep their own), a brief kneeling prayer and a Hail Mary.
• Music: "Ave Maria" is the classic choice. "Immaculate Mary" and the chant "Salve Regina" are good alternatives.

Why do it? Because the first miracle of Jesus happened at a wedding, at his mother's request: "Do whatever he tells you" (John 2:5). Put your marriage in her hands on day one. See our page on the Blessed Virgin Mary for more on her place in Catholic life.

9. What Are the Lazo, the Arras and the Veil?

The lazo, the arras and the veil are Hispanic and Filipino wedding traditions that the US edition of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony includes as optional parts of the rite. They are approved, they have their own blessings, and they can be used in an English-language wedding.

The arras (coins)

The arras are usually thirteen coins, given after the rings. The priest blesses them, then each spouse hands them to the other with the words: "N., receive these arras as a pledge of God's blessing and a sign of the good gifts we will share." The coins stand for the shared goods of the household and trust that God will provide. A sponsor couple (padrinos) often presents them.

The lazo (cord or garland)

The lazo is a large loop, often a rosary-like cord or a garland of flowers, placed over the shoulders of the kneeling couple before the Nuptial Blessing. The priest blesses it as "a symbol of the indissoluble union" the couple have established. Two family members or friends place it, and it stays on through the blessing.

The veil

In place of the lazo, or together with it in Filipino weddings, a veil may be placed over the head of the wife and the shoulders of the husband before the Nuptial Blessing, a sign of the bond that unites them.

If your family has these customs, use them. Ask your parish early so the priest has the right texts and the sponsors know their cues.

10. Can a Catholic Marry a Non-Catholic in a Catholic Wedding?

Yes. A Catholic may marry a baptised Christian of another church with the bishop's permission, or an unbaptised person with a dispensation, and the wedding can take place in the Catholic church. The Catholic party promises to remain faithful and to do all in their power to have the children baptised and raised Catholic, and the other party is informed of that promise. Our guide to Catholic marriage, mixed marriages and disparity of cult covers the canon law in full.

For the ceremony itself, four practical points:

1. Usually no Mass. With a baptised non-Catholic, the rite without Mass is normally used. With an unbaptised spouse, Mass is not celebrated.
2. The other minister. A Protestant pastor may be invited to read, offer a prayer or give a blessing, but the Catholic priest or deacon receives the consent.
3. A different venue. With a dispensation from canonical form, the wedding can happen in the other spouse's church. Without it, a Catholic who marries outside the Church's form is not validly married.
4. Talk about Sunday now. Where will you worship? How will you pray at home? Who teaches the children their prayers? Settle these before the wedding.

11. What Is the Timeline for Planning a Catholic Wedding?

Contact your parish at least six months before the date you want, and many dioceses ask for more. Book the church before you book the reception hall, because the church date controls everything else. Here is a working timeline.

Twelve to nine months out

• Meet the priest or deacon at the parish where you will marry (normally the parish of the bride or groom).
• Set the date and time with the parish office. Then book the reception.
• If either of you was married before, even civilly, tell the priest at the first meeting. That prior bond must be resolved by the Church before a date can be fixed.
• Request new baptismal certificates with notations from your parishes of baptism. Many dioceses want them issued within the last six months.

Nine to four months out

• Complete marriage preparation (often called Pre-Cana): a premarital inventory such as FOCCUS, a course or Engaged Encounter weekend, and meetings with the priest or a mentor couple.
• Many dioceses require an introductory class in Natural Family Planning.
• The priest completes the prenuptial file. If you need permission for a mixed marriage or a dispensation, it is requested now.
• Choose your readings, readers and musicians.

Three months to two weeks out

• Get your civil marriage licence according to local law. In the US, the priest usually signs and returns it after the wedding.
• Finalise the worship aid (order of service) and send it to the parish for approval.
• Choose your two witnesses. They must be old enough to understand what they are witnessing.

The final week

• Go to confession. Both of you, separately. Receive the sacrament in a state of grace.
• Hold the rehearsal at the church. Bring the rings, the arras and the lazo if you use them.

If you are living together or sleeping together now, the hardest part of preparation is also the most important: stop and start again. Our guides to living together before marriage and sex before marriage explain why and how, with mercy.

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12. How Can You Save Money on a Catholic Wedding?

A Catholic wedding can be beautiful and inexpensive, because the sacrament itself costs very little. The Church's own requirements are the parish, the priest, two witnesses and your consent. Pastors repeatedly tell couples not to delay a sacramental marriage because they cannot afford the trimmings, and dioceses regulate the customary offering to the parish so that real financial hardship never prevents a Catholic wedding. If money is tight, tell your priest. He has heard it before.

Here are ways to spend less while keeping the sacrament at the centre:

1. Marry in your own parish. Destination weddings and special venues add travel, fees and permissions.
2. Choose a Saturday morning or a weekday. Parishes are freer, and reception venues are often cheaper.
3. Use parish musicians. A cantor and organist who already know the rite cost less and do it better.
4. Let the church decorate itself. A Catholic church is already full of beauty. A few arrangements by the altar and Mary's image are enough. If another couple marries the same day, ask the parish about sharing flowers.
5. Hold the reception in the parish hall. Many parishes rent their hall at modest rates, and some parish groups cater.
6. Spend on what lasts. Good rings, a crucifix for your home, a Bible you will read together, and a marriage preparation weekend that teaches you to fight fair.

The couple who start married life without debt have one fewer enemy. Our guide to debt and money in the Catholic life will help you plan the years after the wedding.

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13. How Do Orthodox and Protestant Weddings Differ?

Orthodox and Protestant weddings differ from Catholic ones mainly in who confers the marriage and how the vows are handled. In an Eastern Orthodox wedding the priest's blessing is essential, the couple are crowned (the stefana), share a common cup and are led three times around the table, and there are usually no spoken vows; see our guide to the Eastern Orthodox Church. Most Protestant churches hold marriage to be holy and ordained by God without counting it a sacrament in the Catholic sense, and couples often write their own vows. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage between two baptised persons is a sacrament (CCC 1601) conferred by the couple's own consent, which is why she guards the vows so carefully. For the wider comparison, see Catholic and Protestant beliefs compared.

14. What Should You Do Before the Wedding Day Comes?

Before the wedding day, get your soul ready, because the sacrament gives grace in proportion to the heart that receives it. The question that matters is whether you walk to that altar in friendship with God.

Do these four things this month:

1. Go to confession if it has been a while. Read our guide to making a good confession and go this Saturday.
2. Go to Mass together every Sunday. If you have drifted, come back now. Our guide to every part of the Mass will help.
3. Pray together every day. One Our Father, one Hail Mary, holding hands. It takes a minute. If you cannot pray together now, marriage will not make it easier.
4. Talk about the hard things. Children, money, in-laws, sex, faith, and what you will do when you fight.

If wedding stress, family conflict or old wounds have pushed you somewhere dark, please reach out today. Talk to your doctor, and look for a Catholic therapist through a directory such as CatholicTherapists.com.